......

Can't we just go back to the way things used to be?
Where we could talk about anything?

I miss those days.

I miss my best friend.

Trying So Hard

I continue to blog about the same thing all the time, and it's getting old. I know this will never change.

I'm trying.
But why am I trying so hard?

So deserving of each other.

Yesterday I made a couple cynical tweets from my twitter and I decided to make a little blog post about it.

I know I've been saying that I would blog more, but it's soooo much harder. lol

Anyways,

As I said on twitter:

I just want to say congrats.. congrats on doing the bear minimum, you and your boyfriend truly deserve each other. You both are selfish..

and get so proud for completing the basic things that EVERYONE completes. I hope you "love" carries farther then your lazy asses would ever.

Looking at these tweets you may think I'm a bitch. Well yes I am a bitch, but only you knew deep into this situation you would understand.

DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS.

[something I'm familiar with]

Previous blog posts Ive written are just some examples of "The douple" yesss that's what we shall call them. The dysfunctional couple. 

These two get so pent up on there little achievements that they don't see that there not achievements or anything to be proud of; it's life.

Everyone should accomplish certain things in life. (e.i Get a driver's license, Being able to get a Job and Keep it, Go to College and have a career...) Or at least the minimum being able to afford the things you want and need.

Since I was very little I've always been driven to be the best I can be, and I guess when I don't see the same determination in someone else it frustrates me. Laziness should never be an excuse or an exception for anyone. I'm not going to carry on this blog post and say that I'm NEVER lazy. I'm so fucking lazy that I almost wish that it was a career. But I never let me laziness get in the way of what I want to accomplish, I never let it consume my life. 

My biggest pet peeve is settling. When you settle for something because you don't want to change it or upset the balance it's because your LAZY. oh yeah that's right it's full circle. 

I guess I'm going to sum this up. These two people are so far behind and it's absolutely sad that it's almost funny.

They don't look around and see the mistakes they've made or the wrong that there in.

I know that in my heart maybe one day either of them will wake up and be a friend. 

or actually be a human being.

School and other random things in my life..

School,
any time when school comes around I get this burning hatred for it.
I know I know.. why do you do it of you hate it?
well it's a part of life and if I want to do anything will my life other then just working a min wage job i gotta go! lol
But this term is different, I'm starting fresh! I'm starting my program this year. I'm getting my teacher's aid certificate!
I can find a job as a TA and then finish my degree and be a teacher.
So it's pretty big for me. All the years of school are finally paying off and I honestly love it.
I can see the light at the end of the table! :)

Now to other things in my life that are less then awesome.

I honestly don't know how much I can complain about certain people and my "friends" Ive gone thru many people as friends, and right now I feel like the best friends that I have are here on the interwebs.. they are never take advantage of me. They don't call me just to ditch me later.

I can honestly say I've had 2 best friends in my life.

Melissa.. I've known here since 4 grade. She used to live up the street from me and now lives down the street at the university, so I get to see her more often. We see eye to eye on everything. She understands me and she also has never used me to get ahead. She is honest and she is truly one of the most caring people on the face of the earth. She's never lied to me, she's never talked shit about me behind my back, She's never been nothing but a good friend to me. I would go crazy if she wasn't in my life. She has been the friend to me that Ive been to her.

My other best friend is my little sister Marie...
She is my sister. and I love her. that's all that needs to be said.

I am thankful for them in my life.
xoxox

Blog Post Promised.

Hey guys,

    Like mentioned in my video yesterday I said that I would kinda fill you in on why I'm not myself,
I guess everyone goes through hard times.

   This is a little bit more then me being happy or sad about something.
It's about the sad reality of my friends.
I have so little people around me that really honestly understand me, and that honestly really care.
It's the truth and it's the sad truth that I keep realizing every single day.

The world is fill with people, people you get along with and people we don't.
It's the truth.
The sad truth.
Hence why I'm upset.

see you around.

I will have the best karma later in life. Just as a fyi

Way to make someone feel loved and not takin advantage of at all.

Almost Birthday!

only 2 more day until my birthday!
:) im pretty excited for it to come, then it's gone.
I want this year to be different!


go check out the new video! :)

Blog Post EVERYDAY?

So I'm going to try and blog EVERYDAY.
like I do my Project365 but we will see how this goes.

I think that most of the stuff I'm feeling like right will go into my private journal because if certain names and things.
But I've been in a weird mood for the past 3 days.
It's a very hard emotion to describe, and there might not even be a word to describe it.
It's VERY complicated.

I'm just not myself right now.
and I think once everyone see's my video they will understand.

I decided to do a Life in a Day thing for YT. and you can see my true self.
I had to answer 3 questions and that's when I open everything up.
Only one of my friends knows.

My BEST friend Melissa.
We have known each other since about 3rd grade.
She has ALWAYS been there for me, when the people I thought I could trust left.
She's one of the most awesome people I know.
She's A REAL FRIEND.
one that is just like me.

But that's about it for today.
Just another update on life.

xo

Long time no Blog!

Well it's been to long since Ive made a blog post I wish I had a set schedule! lol
Then maybe I could get a couple of these up a month!
Maybe that's what I should do.
I need to time manage.

A lot is going on in my life, and my friends are helping at all.
None of them actually really know how to be friends. I know that everyone has there own life's but not to care about anyone but themselves is extremely selfish!
Anyways I wanted to make a quick blog, because I always tell myself to write, but I never do.
But yeah I'm just in a weird mood today and I feel like writing....
You never know what I might write next.

:)

Vidcon 2010

I'm going to try to Vlog and Blog my whole way thru VidCon! WE will see tho! :)

July 8th 2010.
Today was the official day of my trip to Los Angeles, California. I woke feeling happy and excited. But yet nervous because I have extreme anxiety, especially when I don't know where I'm going, and what's going on. haha But I think it's normal to be a little unsure of what's going to be on. My flight was easy, and getting to the hotel always has to be a struggle. But once we got here like always when i'm traveling with this certain person something always has to go wrong... it's like really how much bad luck could one girl have? haha
But we checked and kinda freshened up, and headed back downstairs.. we ran into may youtuber's that i know and love.
               Spotted: Soundlyawake, thewillofdc, Charles Trippy and Alli Speed.
I was sooo thrilled that I couldn't even handle it! haha it's awesome to see the people that I watch and some of the people, the reason I started making videos was because of them. It was JUST ALL TO MUCH!!

Then we saw more of the awesome people. haha
ShayCarl eho i hugged and talked with.. he was also with Katillete!
Lisa Nova, who we talked with for a little while! super awesome and REALLY PRETTY!
Tyler Oakely! Who we have a super secret handshake! to awesome!
Meekakitty AWESOME GIRL!
and last but not least
Mystery Guitar Man, who faked a high five, and went and gave me a hug! WHICH WAS AWESOME!!!!!
Then later ran into Soundly Awake and DeniseVlogs! BOTH really nice and AWESOME!!! so glad to meet them! and Nick knew who I was it was PRETTY awesome! :)

With all of this I was soooo glad that I got to experience it with people who actually care and are just as happy as me! YOU!
When I tweet and you guys tweet back! AWESOME!!!

i can't even tell you how much this is GREAT thing! :)
The people that think they are too cool for school and are not showing how awesome this is! IT'S FUCKING LAME! I love what i do, and I'm going to continue to do so!
You could like someone so much that you just want to strangle them! But i'm going to enjoy my time to shine and be in the AMAZING state!

I would say..
First day: SUCCESS!
I'll see you tomorrow! :)

Sometimes You Realize...

Sometimes you realize that some things will never change...

You think you know how people think and feel from what they tell you but they end up being liars...

        I almost don't know what I expect from you anymore.

        You have lost who you are, and it was all because of one person.

        You know exactly what and who I'm talking about.

I've been open and honest with everything, I've told you and now you need to be honest with yourself.

You need to look deep DEEP inside yourself and know who you are and know what you stand for.

I've known you for to long to know when you hurting and when your lying to my face.

It really hurts when you don't trust me enough to let me in.

Especially since I've told you EVERYTHING about me. 

Sometimes I have to realize that something huge has to happen for you to change.. and even then,

you may never change. 

On a better note, Sometimes when I think that I've found the right guy that gets me and we are REALLY into each other, something or someone has to get in the way. ALL THE TIME.

Me and this guy are clicking and his Ex is back in the picture, it's like really? We are just forming a relationship and now this crazy chick is coming back into the picture.. IM OVER IT. haha

But anyways, Everyone stay cute!

xoxo

T

The amazingness that is the INTERNET.

As of today I have officially realize how much I love the internet.

I've said this before but honestly I haven't met nicer people in my life, then some of the people ive met on the internet.
Thru my project365 I've met a ton of amazing people,
But then there is the world of Twitter and Dailybooth.

Where random people can comment on what you say and the pictures you post.
It really just blows my mind.
From the people that I've met on the internet they have become honestly like friends, who write back to me and watch my videos. IT ASTOUNDS ME!

I just want to thank all the people who have become my friends and mostly all of them are better friends then my friends in my real life.
(not to say this isn't my real life, i should say the friends that I see more often.)
I never thought that people Ive met over the internet I would skype or Ichat or text or even have them on my facebook.

This just shows you the power of the Interwebs and why I LOVE IT! :)

xoxo

Ask Me Questions!

Like I said I would I am updating my blog more!

Ask me anything you like.. im pretty open obviously if it's to personal I won't answer it, so yeah!

Feel free to get to know me better! and I want to get to know you guys too!

LEAVE ME QUESTIONS!

and...

ive been told that i give good advice.. so if you have problems.. you know ill solve them! haha

ok im not vanilla ice, but i will try and help you out!

TALK soon!

:)

Being Honest..

It's really heart breaking when you think someone is being honest with you and you find out that they have been lying the whole time.

And the worst thing is, when you tell them anything and you count on them.

and they let you down.

I TRUSTED YOU!!! I REALLY TRUSTED YOU!

and now i don't believe anything you say.

You say one thing and your doing something else. you are such a liar and a bad one at that.

Don't talk about someone when your secretly talking to them.

You WERE my best friend. and now i will never look at you the same.

I don't care as much that you lie to me, but your lying to yourself..... I hope you can live with that.

HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.

look it up.

Inspiring!

I've had the pleasure of meeting some of the most amazing people on the face of the earth here is one person that has inspired me and he might even inspire you too!

Corey Marsee you are sooo awesome and you poem is so touching!

Everyone go watch this video! it's awesome! :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2sd9_DzEGA

How awesome is he? Corey so happy that Ive met you! :)

YUP. another update on life.

Mood: I don't know my mood right now, i guess just confused and a bit frustrated.

Listening to: "I've Got You" McFly and others songs. hah

Drinking: Diet Pepsi on the rocks.

It's been a while,

I don't think that I've posted anything since the beginning of the year. Well happy 2010 and what a year it's been. (so far)

If you don't know I have been doing Project 365 for 71 days!

and I really couldn't be more busy. I love doing it and I love the interaction I'm getting.

It's great and I'm having a ton of fun doing it.

I'm expressing myself in way's Ive never done before and I really like it. I'm very much a creative person but sometimes I don't know how to express that and have a outlet for it.

Here and there I would perfect a song, and record myself, but never had the confidence to post it.

But I realize that if I'm not at that point yet, I will be there someday. I'm already a step closer then before. With posting videos of myself just being myself and getting feedback that I'm funny and inspiring just kills me.

I've always dreamed of being a influence, and be inspiring and now I have. Getting emails and comments about how I can make a person laugh and when they tell me that I have made there day, there is something so special about it.

I love to entertain and I LOVE just being myself, and when people are excepting for me to just show them the real me.

ahhh I really can't even explain it in words!

Today actually I got an email on YouTube, and this girl told me how much she loves my videos and that she wishes she could be my friends, and she's jealous of the people who really know me. Then she says, and I'm coping this word for word.

"Your friends and family probably don't know how lucky they are to have someone like you in there life, You have such a spirit and Its out there for everyone to see. I hope the people in your life REALLY appreciate you for who you are."

This honestly brought tears to my eyes. This person who barely knows me, could look at me and just know. Needless to say I was floored and it got me thinking. I'm so blessed!!

To my good friends who have supported me and this journey so far. No need to name who you are, the ones who comment all my videos and text me just to say hello.

Also to the new people who have come into my life, and has shoved some of the other "bad" people out! :)

I'm going through a transition in my life, and I make my own choices, and I can say that P365 has done that for me. Even tho I'm not even half way through it, I still feel like a different person.

I'm me, not afraid to be just ME.

Mood: Relieved.. Writing always makes me feel better.

Gone...

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything.

Have you ever had a moment or two that you were you weren't you... like you could just take a break from EVERYTHING. Everything that you are. That you could live outside of your skin?

Well i have.. Almost everyday.

A song that I have grown fond of is: "Corner of your Heart" by Ingrid Michaelson.

Everytime i listen to it it gives me goosebumps.. I never thought that any song could capture my feelings so well.

It's also good to know that other people have these feelings.

That I'm not the only one feeling these feelings.

Written by Ingrid Michaelson

There's a corner of your heart for me
There's a corner of your heart just for me
I will pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart
Just to stay in the corner of your heart

There is room beneath your bed for me
There is room beneath your bed just for me
I will leave this town just to sleep underneath your bed
Just to sleep underneath your bed

There's one minute of your day
There's one minute of your day
I will leave this man just to occupy one minute of your day
Just to occupy one minute of your day

Just to sleep underneath your bed

Just to stay in the corner of you heart

Another song that's amazing is Solider..

The music speaks to me the lyrics know what im thinking. It's an amazing feeling and it gets me thru.

Getting to bed soon. Tomorrow school and work. Joy. But that's my life.. one circle that goes around and around.